and my heart beat faster

Last night I ran away from home - for a little less than 2 hours. I had a valid reason for leaving the house... I had decided that 3 months into paying for my gym membership I should use it. The guilt over paying for it for 3 months and not once darkening the door of the gym got to me.

That and the 13 pounds I have put on since we moved back to Canada.

I of course had nothing to wear so I hit the Roots outlet near our house and picked up some workout clothes. And some shoes at Globo. Not to, um, forget the trip into Jacob Connexion (what?? they MIGHT have had workout clothes) that saw 2 new pairs of cords (okay, and a sweater or two, there was a sale!!) to fit over my ample hips. My pants are all a bit (big bit) snug and Christmas is not even here.

I won't even touch on what used to be my chest and is now what can only be referred to as a bosom. One big thing. Seriously, I feel like formidable school mistress or Scottish housekeeper. Or the prow of a ship. Definitely past middle aged (though supposedly I am not middle-aged yet).

Marc and I made it to the gym yesterday afternoon. I have a phobia of gyms. Really don't like them. It's pretty unfounded I'm sure, but I am really intimidated.

We were short on time so Marc suggested skipping the cardio machines and hitting the weight machines. Weight machines. My brain panics. I see a sign that says to warm up first - and desperately seize upon that. "We HAVE to warm up it says - I don't want to hurt myself!!"

I figured we'd kill some time on the elyptical trainers... Marc hops on and gets going (yes, he's in way better shape than me). I hop on and start - not so bad... um yeah. After 5 minutes I was puffing and dying to get off. Please save me weight machines!

That's when it hit me - I am in bad shape.

It's not that I thought I was in great shape. I rarely exercise with the exception of yoga classes I took in Lux - so many things to do, so little time. I haven't been happy with my weight for a while, but as long as I could still squeeze into a size 7 I thought what the heck, I'm not doing so bad. I have two kids I run around after, I must be getting enough exercise.

It was a bit of an eye opener. That I was so winded after 5 minutes. I'm still digesting to be honest, and I will have to figure out how I am going to rectify this in a way that doesn't have me at the gym every day (though I acknowledge that might be the fastest way).

I so don't want to be one of those people who can't walk up a few flights of stairs. Who are old before their time. Gotta get working on this (okay, maybe after Christmas... )