Tante Jopie

My Tante Jopie passed away this weekend.

She was my Opa (grandfather)'s sister and a lovely woman. She lived in the Netherlands and I have so many fond memories of her, when she came to visit when I was a child (that one is blurry, I remember aking her a birthday cake and spelling her name in Smarties on it) and again when I was in my early twenties.

In 1993 when I graduated from University my mum and I took a trip to Holland. We spent some time in Amsterdam and visited the places she had lived as a child and also went to Zwolle to spend a few days with Tante Jopie, and see where my Opa grew up etc. Despite the language barrier we managed to pretty much communicate - she understood enough English and I learned a bit of Dutch so we spoke with each other in our languages, peppered with words of each other's.

Once we moved to Luxembourg Mum and I visited her. And she (with her daughter and son-in-law) drove the 400km (and then back) on an icy December day to meet Stuart when he was born.

The last time I saw her was two years ago - my mum and I took Julia up to see her and stayed overnight in a B&B (Julia was a year old at that point). She was definitely older, but still the same. She'd moved into an apartment in a senior's home, but she still seemed pretty much the same. And she was so much like my Opa - a man she had seen so infrequently over the past 52 years.

Not long after that she got ill (she'd been diabetic for several years I believe). Quite seriously ill. She went into the hospital and never went back to her apartment.

Every time my mum would come to Luxembourg I would push her for us to go and see Tante Jopie. Mum's visits always seemed to go so fast and usually the news from Mum's cousin was that Tante Jopie was not well, that she was either back in the hospital or that she wasn't recognizing even her own children. My mother wanted to keep her memories of how Tante Jopie was the last time we saw her. I felt we should go.

I am a little torn today. When Mum called this morning I cried, because I never went to say goodbye to her. But she was surrounded by her friends and family and would not have recognized me - and I realize now that I would n't want that to be my last memory of her.

Sometimes mothers are right. Rest in peace Tante Jopie.