trying it on for size

I went back to see my therapist this morning, after a year-long absence. Things the last few months have gotten progressively hairier around here and I felt that perhaps I needed a bit of a space to talk to someone not involved.

She said something to me - something that I am sure has been said to me before but hasn't sunk in - that I am really trying to take away from the hour.

She said: "It's your job to keep them safe, not to make them happy."

Obviously this in reference to my children. And while I of course want to be the kind of mother that they are happy with, their emotions are their own. I can't control their moods.

In my constant need to assure myself of my children's happy, joy-filled, nurturing childhood experience I often lose sight of the fact that I can't be everything. And that I can't control everything and anything that might happen to them.

And often - far too often - I feel frustrated with them. With their failure to appreciate how much I do. How much I "sacrifice" of myself (and my sanity). And then, more frequently than I care to admit, I lose my cool. Which makes none of us happy.

So I'm going to work on that Safe thing for now. And see how it goes. I don't know how long I'll last but it feels like a bit of a relief to be putting down the burden of guaranteeing their happiness for today.