no no no no no no

This can't be happening.

Last year, in the middle of January I came down with a sinus infection that would stick with me until - Oh, I think it was July. It brought with it a horrible hacking cough that landed me in more specialists offices than I care to think about, breathing into more contraptions than I can even begin to name. The last specialist - the lung specialist - was a lovely man who told me my illness was all in my head, I must be homesick for Canada.

Seeing as we were already in the process of selling our house (had sold it I think, it's all such a blur) in order to move back to Canada I figured he was full of it (he was so nasty, little Luxembourgish man who obviously disliked ex-pats).

We left our house and - miraculously - I started to get better. Since I had been sick for the 2 years we were in the house, we figured it was the house.

And, with the exception of a sinus infection in September, the flu in October - I haven't been doing too bad.

Until Saturday when I was ironing Marc's shirts for his trip to San Diego. And I sneezed.

It's all been downhill from there. I got a horrid cold. I consumed large quantities of vitamin c and Cold-FX.

It's not working, I feel awful. Which in itself I could deal with. EXCEPT - the bloody cough is back.

Welcome to the Hack-a-minute fest with Tracy. She's the one over in the corner gasping for air. Turning blue. With the 3 pack a day smoker's voice (well, that might bean improvement on my usual squeak).

Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. I am hoping this doesn't stick around for another 6 months (especially since you can't get a doctor in the town...)

And then I feel bad because there are people with real problems.

And I feel bad for yelling at Julia for unravelling an inch of the doll's leg I finally managed to knit for her (and the web of knots she made in the wool that took an hour to get out). My mother was a saint teaching me last night.

Bleah. Can I have a do over on this week?

On a positive note (there is one - woo hoo!) I took Stu to Beavers for the first time tonight. It was also Parents night - and I managed to rise above (for the most part) the hacking and ran around like the crazy woman I am with him. We had a blast.

And now I will go ingest some codeine in hopes of sleep.

Because there's only so much sorry for myself I can take.

Loose

Tonight Stuart had his finger in his mouth.

"Stu - do you have a loose tooth?" (he's way behind the other first graders on this one).

"No Mum, it's just crooked."

"What? Are you sure it's not loose?"

"NO Mum, it's really not loose, there's just this little bit... here on the top... it's crooked... maybe it moved... oh I can't explain."

"Let me see..."

"Sigh. But it's not loose Mum." (Dutifully opens mouth for crazy woman who proceeds to prod his tooth.)

"Uh, Stu?"

"Yeah?"

"You've got a loose tooth buddy!"

"I've got a loose tooth? I'VE GOT A LOOSE TOOTH!!!!!!!! Dad!!!!!!!"

Remember how exciting your first loose tooth was? I didn't until today.

A little icing on the cake of parenting.

Learning to Skate

It's been cold enough here for the outdoor rinks to freeze, and every afternoon on the way home from nursery school we see kids, skates in hand, heading out to the small rink near our house.

Stu has been eagerly awaiting his first go on skates - his godparents gave him some skates at Thanksgiving and he's been itching to get into them. So when we drove by the rink yesterday and realized that there was a tiny rink for the kids not playing hockey, we decided to have a quick snack and head out before the sun set.

We perched on snowbanks to put on our skates and I was reminded of the outdoor rink near my house growing up. Within minutes my fingers were cold, and I didn't even have my skates on yet before my feet felt chilly. Childhood memories came flooding back.

I have a confession to make - I don't like skating. I broke my arm skating in Grade 6 (a fellow girl guide crashed into me 3 times knocking me over and I fractured my wrist) and didn't get back onto skates until I was 22. Goaded into it by a boyfriend at a romantic Victorian Inn in New Hampshire.

When I moved to Ottawa in '94 I bought skates. EVERYONE here skates. I think I used them once (Marc who I met in '95 had never seen me on skates before yesterday).

But seeing as we live in Ottawa - where everyone seems to be waiting for the canal to freeze for half the year - well I bought skates again this year. Nice furry Nike ones that looked cosy (hmmmm. Jury's still out).

I am certain if I spread the word of my lack of enthusiasm to glide up and down the world's longest outdoor rink I would be run out of town.

It's more than just that though - I want to show my kids that you can still try something you're not good at. In the end I only had my skates on for about 15 minutes by the time we got them up and remotely stable. But I managed to stay upright and did a couple of "laps" around the "rink" (I think my living room/dining room is bigger).

The kids did great - Julia on her cheese cutters (double blades) got the hang pretty quickly. Stu, ever his mother's son, took a little longer to warm up, but got off the ice reluctantly when it was time to go.

Think I'll take them to my girlfriend's next week to have her big strapping boys help out. If nothing else they can pick their Auntie Tracy up off the ice ;-)

And perhaps the promise of a Beaver Tail will get me out on the canal.... just perhaps...

Longing for Nancy

I have been trying to keep all my Europe Longings to myself for a bit now.

I'll be going along, having a perfectly normal day and then - BOOM - I think of somewhere we went. Some things are just nice memories, others are much more profound, almost a physical longing for places. Like Table du Pain (oh no, a Lait Russe and a Table du Pain Club... mouth watering....)

Yesterday I had the overpowering urge to go to Nancy, in the Moselle "departement" of France. It was home to Stanislas, Marie-Antoinette's father. It's a lovely town with lovely shopping, a huge lovely park with a lovely little zoo and lovely Art Nouveau architecture. And of course a Table du Pain (I think I should go and make some lunch, I am a little too focussed on TdP at the moment).

We used to go to Nancy a couple of times a year - at 120km from Luxembourg it was far enough to be an excursion, but not far enough to require much advance planning.

We've been there in the hot summer, pregnant with Stu and eating Mexican with S & J when they visited. We've braved winter weather and had delicious crepe meals - though the service was so bad the last time we abandoned our favorite eatery (interestingly enough in some areas of France speaking English still gets you glared at, even if you are doing all your ordering in French).

Last winter we were in Nancy the first (and one of the only) day that there was some snow. We had a great time throwing snowballs with the kids in the big square by the parking lot. We of course got stared at, but hey. (unfortunately I was also so sick that I coughed so hard in the car going home that I pulled a muscle in my chest. No joke.)

The last time I was in Nancy was with my mum and the kids in May. It was a beautiful warm sunny day. We bought Julia her much coveted Lelli Kelly shoes, and me my Dorkings (my favourite shoes). We had lunch and walked through the Park/Zoo. Had ice cream in the rose garden.

On a wintery blustery COLD day like today it's a lovely memory... and I wish I could go there right now. Sigh.

I have to stop typing because Julia will not stop talking to me and trying to type. Double Sigh (this is why I haven't posted this week, we're in full on Mummy Love.)

Really, I did

Today I painted the powder room. With Julia's help.

Yes, I teetered off the cliff of sanity and gave the child a paintbrush and pushed her towards the paint.

In a VERY small room. Where we both ended up with paint in our hair from ducking each other and bumping into walls.

For a 3 year-old she is a mighty fine painter. And it was fun.

The baseboards she dripped on needed touching up anyhow. The paint on the hands that ended up all over the toilet? Came off with bathtub cleaner.

The paint she walked in by accident and tracked all over the floor... well there's still some in the grout between the tiles, but what the hey.

She's very proud of herself. Me too.

where is it in the rules?

The other day I got a Christmas card from a friend in B.C. In it she apologized for sending it in January and I thought - holy cow, she's good to even send them.

I like the idea of Christmas cards. I like to receive them. I love to buy them. Some years I even manage to write a few, but rarely do I manage to mail them.

The last few years I have blamed it on having a December baby - Stu was born the 4th of December. So there's his birthday to organize. Then, when we were still living in Luxembourg, Kleeschen (the Luxembourgish version of Santa Claus) came on the 6th. By then it was getting too late to send them to Canada and have them arrive in time.

And it was a pain to get stamps in Luxembourg. If I ever get a government job, I want it to be in a rural post office in Luxembourg. You get to waltz in at 9, leave at 11:30 for lunch and then go back from 2-5 in the afternoon. Of course at 4:45 you close the doors and glare at anyone coming in because you're CLOSING - hello?!

Okay, so maybe their hours aren't quite that short, but not much longer either.

So - back to me not sending Christmas cards. Please don't tell me I could write them in November. I know I could, but it's just soooooo....... I don't know, too early. For me Christmas season doesn't begin until Stu's birthday is over.

This year I was going to send cards. After all, being a SAHM, I had no excuse (oh shoot me now for any and all judgements I made erroneously before having kids and staying home). I even bought supplies for the kids to MAKE cards this year.

Of course they only wanted to make them for people that live next door to us or their stuffed animals. Not many went out.

So. I've decided - that we will send annual cards. Just NOT at Christmas, when there are 17 zillion other things to do.

I have no clue what time of year we will send them. Working that out still. Wondering if maybe Back to School cards would be appropriate - as in "we all survived the summer".

Then again, after the summer I may be retiring to my room with a nice bottle of wine, and you wouldn't want a card from me then ;-)

An open letter to my Husband

Dear Better Half,

This letter serves to inform you of changes to the terms and conditions (hereafter T & C) by which we will spend the rest of our lives together (a.k.a. happily ever after).

As of today, 15 January 2008, please be advised that any "Boy Time" you spend with our son should not include, but not be limited to, the viewing of such cinematic "productions" such as Star Wars.

This condition can be waived provided that you cease your current employment immediately and become a Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) and deal with lightsabre fighting, constant battling, "getting" people etc that is a result of watching said "productions".

He seems to think he is Chewbacca (which is the only explanation I can find for him "attacking" children much smaller than he is) and that your daughter and all her nursery school friends are the Emperor's minions. He has "blasted" the car and is in danger of redecorating most of our home in a serious minimalist trend.

Failure to comply with this new T & C will result in a month long Barney-fest for both you and the boy. Repeat offences could result in Julia and I spending a month in the South of France and/or Italy.

Much love,
your wife

what shade of green is that?

I am suffering terribly from house envy these days.

We left a larger house in Luxembourg - I was not sorry to leave it really, it was an awkward house - and moved back into our townhouse that we built in 1996. The one that I love dearly, but that is the smallest model the builder made. Even with the bit of extra space that we've gained in the basement, it is still quite.... well wee.

Marc has suggested I view it as if it were an apartment in Paris - at about 1300 square feet it would be enormous. Unfortunately I reasoned back that I would have the Seine, delicious croissants and - well - PARIS to make up for it.

It's not that I don't love my house, I do. Really. If there was any way that I could just enlarge it by say - oh 30% - then all would be well.

I seem to have fallen right back into the whole North American mentality of MORE IS MORE, feeling I need a bigger house (or again, just for this one to be bigger).

And my case of house envy is running rampant.

It happens most places I go. My neighbour's house is nearly twice the size of ours. It doesn't feel cramped like ours. My girlfriend's house - with her two teenage boys and granny suite for her mum - also spacious. My friend's house in an older neighborhood - great huge yard and rooms that feel like real rooms. Like houses we grew up in. Wait, make that two friends in older neighborhoods. Two of Stuart's friends from school... the list goes on. Seems like I can't walk into someone's house without comparing mine.

Tonight we had dinner with some lovely friends who live a short way out of town (Ottawa has grown since we left). They have an ENORMOUS house - one with a lovely cosy family room off the kitchen. With a fireplace. My ideal place for a family room - the one I had in Luxembourg was close to being right, but not quite.

Ugh. This envy leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I am trying to cull it here and now, but I am not managing very well. It's silly and self-serving - there are people out there with nothing and I am concerned about square footage. I am not impressed with myself.

slow going

So - I am extremely proud of myself for managing to get a picture up on here. It's only taken - oh too long. But for some one as technologically challenged as I am, with the attention span of a flea and windows of opportunity that are very short - well it's quite a feat.

Tonight I've managed to add some links to blogs I read - only to realize that I've been so busy I hardly read any. And that someone who moved to Africa needs to find time to post... hint hint...

But what I can't figure out how to do is link things in my text... as in when I wrote the other day "you have to read finslippy" and have it so the finslippy is a link.

I'll figure it out at some point.

Maybe.

(the finslippy link is on the side now though in case you had no clue what I was talking about... and as of now it's still the same post).

the wool

is winning.

How on earth do you knit one purl one and then do anything with the next row???

All this is doing is sticking VINDALOO in my head (we found the CD when we were unpacking... purchased on our honeymoon to the UK in 1998)

Knit one, purl one... Nanana, VIndaloo, nanana nanana na na... me and me mum and me dad and me gran and a bucket of vindaloo... cos we all like vindaloo....

Scary.

you have to, I said so

you have to check out the post at finslippy today.

I would have written my own post, but I spent too much time reading hers and the comments and laughing until my sides hurt. And I have nothing nearly that funny to say.

hee hee...

warning: needles involved

I've decided I want to learn to knit.

No, this is not the first time. Nor, sigh, do I think it will be the last.

I've knitted before. A scarf for my mum that had to be knit on large needles so it was supposed to look "holey". A scarf to bring baby Stu home from the hospital - it was sweet but completely uneven. It irked my need for symmetry in the world.

Now I am going to start a doll for Julia. Which, according to my son, will be followed by a teddy bear sweater for him. As in teddies in 3 colours who are dancing the cha-cha while sipping Chinese tea and scuba diving.

No, the bears aren't really doing that, but they might as well be for all the chance they have of being knit resembling bears at all.

Bless his little heart for believing that Mummy can.

Happy New Year!

Hey!!

THE KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't think I haven't enjoyed the holidays. I really really have. They've just been hectic, so much so that I have yet to tell you about Christmas, or the fireworks on Parliament Hill on New Year's Eve (should have seen Joolsies face! Her first time!) or tell you how FABULOUS Mamma Mia was on Thursday night.

By the way, Mamma Mia was fabulous. You have to see it if you can (Pam - even better than Saturday Night Fever in London. Only thing that would have made it better was having you here to bop with us, instead of in Africa...).

But you know... I need a bit of mental space. I love my kids, but full on, 24/7 for 16 days and I am probably more likely to come up as Grumpy than as Happy if I were to do the "which of the Seven Dwarves are you?" quiz on Facebook.

Just kidding, I don't think there is such a quiz on Facebook. But there's so much other "stuff" (see how polite I am being) that it wouldn't surprise me to find out there was one.

So... back to school tomorrow. It's a bit sad really, all the build up to the holiday season and then inevitably January rolls around and there you are feeling kinda flat.

That is kind of how I feel right now - flat. We did some great stuff. Had some playdates, saw Enchanted, spent lots of time playing out in the snow, went to the museum of Science and Tech... even had some down time, some days when we really didn't get out of pyjamas.

I have resolutions, but I am not sure I will get to them on this post. I am trying to make myself post them so that I feel some accountability to follow through on them.

But for now I am going to go and hug my babies and feel sniffly that they are going to be leaving me tomorrow - even for the few short hours they will be gone. It's a luxury I haven't had for 16 days ;-)

Happy Holidays!

We made it to Christmas :-)
I seem to have found some holiday cheer... ;-)
Julia finally decided to open her presents...

We are (as usual) late to get to my mum's...

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!!

May we make it to tomorrow...

okay - so that's a little melodramatic ("I don't know what MELODRAMATIC means" says Prince Edward in Enchanted...)

Last Wednesday a little boy got hit in the eye with a mini hockey stick at lunch recess. He had to go to the hospital and now needs to see a specialist. Turns out it was my boy's hockey stick, thrown down in a temper (the boy who got hit was cheating apparently) and bounced up and hit the poor child who was lying on the ground. There have been repercussions - there was a lot of lying around said event. I am still not sure it is all over - we're waiting on the specialist to see the eye.

But let's just say that when the Ontario Police Association called earlier looking for a donation for "Fishing with Cops" I didn't hear much past the Ontario Police for the first few seconds and thought we were being called down to the police station in relation to the event (the boy's father is understandably very upset).

Do I need to say I have been besides myself for the last 4 days (I only found out Thursday afternoon). NO? Good. I've nearly made myself sick over Stu's part in the whole ugly mess.

Then Friday night Stu took a tumble out of bed and cut his head open on the corner of his desk. The chances of him actually managing that are - oh - close to NIL, but he found away (he may have a future with the Cirque du Soleil). Off to the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario (as advised by Telehealth). Of course I only had the vaguest idea of where the hospital was and spent 1/2 the drive - the same drive where we were dodging snowplows trying to clear excess snow, cursing myself for not having done a trial run to the hospital - I mean we were going to end up there at some point right?

They, after many hours, glued his head back together (it's on the back where it will be covered by hair, so they were able to spare him stitches). I wondered if it was a fitting turn of events for young Stu, and without being all psycho pointed out that this is where Myles (boy with the eye) had to come because of him throwing his hockey stick.

Yesterday morning Julia threw up. Then again at 5:41 this morning. She has sore ears. I am on my 3rd load of vomit laundry.

All I want right now is for her to stop throwing up (touch wood it's been a few hours) and for the snow to stop so that we can drive to Montreal tomorrow and eat turkey.

And drink lots and lots of eggnog.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and all the best for 2008!

Tis the season

About 10 days ago I had an email from my friend Catherine. She's spending her first Christmas in Europe and noticing the differences - no Christmas music in stores, feeling like it's not really all that holiday like...

I remember feeling the same way 8 Christmases ago. I had been in Luxembourg for almost a year and thought I knew a lot about living there. But then the holidays came and it didn't feel right. There were no Christmas carols on the radio or in the stores. There were lights up but still... I remember driving to Myles & Cathie's for Christmas dinner in the rain and feeling oh so blue. Though it was hard to stay blue with Cathie's perogies on offer!

Now I am suffering for the reverse effect. There has been Christmas music for going on 2 months now - even radio stations that have been playing nothing but Christmas music since the 1st of December! Everywhere you go you are bombarded by "Christmas Cheer" - it's a bit overwhelming to be honest.

For all our vows to not get caught up in the hype it's hard not to. Going to Toys'r'us almost a month ago was already a frantic occasion. I can't quite put my finger on where it comes from, but there all this pressure to buy gifts, the right gifts for just about everybody.

In retrospect, I used to have to get a lot of Christmas gifts done early to mail. Don't get me wrong, it was still stressful (why is it that gift giving is so stressful?) but at least it was usually done by the beginning of December.

I guess I can also blame a lot of my bah humbugs on other things this year too - Marc's consulting contract coming to an end without any job offers... luckily that one has been resolved in the nick of time and he started a new job on Monday. While I am immensely relieved and proud of him for landing this new job, he still needs to finish up his consulting gig on top of a new job, and at this time of the year that's not fun. Our plans to go to his parents over the holidays - down the drain. We've gotten so used to him not working over the holidays (got to love the NATO shut down for 2 weeks) and now we're happy that he's going to be finished work by 2 on Christmas Eve. It's a lot of changes - in a year where it feels like we've been turned upside down already.

This time last year we were looking forward to 2007 - the last 9 months of 2006 had been challenging (so we thought then!). Now we are looking to 2008. I am aware though in the back of my mind that you can't live your life trying to get from one thing to the next. And that I am turning into a negative person. I have so much to be thankful for in life. Gotta focus on that, and hopefully be jollier next Christmas.

And maybe spend it in the sun - where there's no snow to shovel ;-)

This pretty much sums it up...

Got this from a friend today. Yup.

BTW - it's snowing again.

December 2: 6:00 PM:
>
> It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I
took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge
soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
>
> December 9:
>
> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
>
> December 12:
>
> The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My
neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by
the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>
> December 14:
>
> Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The
cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I
warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The
snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
>
> December 15:
>
> 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
> December 16:
>
> Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I
think was very cruel.
>
> December 17:
>
> Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to
stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate
her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death
in my own living room!
>
> December 20:
>
> Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last
night. More shoveling. Took all day. damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
>
> December 22:
>
> Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the
white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel,
and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed
again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on
his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I
think the a**hole is lying.
>
> December 23:
>
> Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts??? Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think
she's lying.
>
> December 24:
>
> 6" . Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I
was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives
that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him
to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and
waits for me to finish shoveling and then he > comes down the street at
a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
>
> December 25:
>
> Merry F****** Christmas. 20 more inches of the @&^%)*% slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit
him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful
Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
>
> December 26:
>
> Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>
> December 27:
>
> Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my
pipes.
>
> December 28:
>
> Warmed up to above -25. Still snowed in. The B*TCH is driving me
crazy!!!!!
>
> December 29:
>
> 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave
in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
>
> December 30:
>
> Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for
a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for
trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home
to her mother. 9" predicted.
>
> December 31:
>
> I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
> January 8:
>
> Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Grumble Grumble

Have you seen my holiday cheer?

I think I may have dug a hole in the backyard (under the snow, so deep deep down) and buried it.

Grrr. Mmmhphm. Blech.

37cm of snow yesterday didn't help. Our street still has not been plowed. The Volvo with all wheel drive got stuck.

Grumble. Pfffft. Grunt.

Update : 10 pm and the plow finally goes by, a mere 40 hours after the snow began. Somehow the majority of the snow ends up on ours and our next door neighbours' driveways. Across the street? A few inches to shovel.

On our side (and I am not exaggerating, though I am wont to do so) - a mound of snow that was almost 3 feet high and at least 3 feet across. And the width of two driveways. They must have an in with the mayor (the mayor of Ottawa is likely to be charged for bribing an opponent to drop out of the race... not that I'm implying anything.)

Nice heavy stuff. Yeah. I just asked Marc to return my Christmas presents and buy me a snowblower.

What? a 5 minute window?

To post?? Wow...

That being said I am sitting with the dueling Magnetix building children. There's 200 pieces in the box Stu got for his birthday, how is it they are constantly arguing over a piece?

So... what to say. You know how when you have a friend you talk to every day you always have something to talk about, but then if you don't talk to them for a while you haven't got much to say? That's me right now. I am sure there is some argument to be made for our lives being made up of mostly small stuff.

In our world we have been busy. Rushed off our feet busy. The boy turned 6 on the 4th - 6!!! Was he not just a tiny baby? Where did the time go...

He also got his first report card - better than we had anticipated in a lot of ways. The transition has been hard on him. Skipping Sr Kindergarten was hard on him. But he did okay (even got a couple of A's).

Parent teacher interviews (another first in our house) were a bit of another matter. The arts teacher : "Stuart marches to the beat of his own drummer" as an opener. Bad mother that I am I giggled at some of the stories they told . I am not sure if it was nerves (in part) or the fact that I am so relieved that I am not the only person who can't mold his will to my way. He's a really stubborn little guy apparently, even at school. Smart as a whip, but a non-conformist. We're trying to figure out how to teach him to still hear his own drummer, but not leave the rest of the parade and end up falling off a cliff.

We had a hugely successful birthday party for Stuart - I say that in relation to the amount I was DREADING it. We booked an indoor playground called Midway. We could only get 5-7pm on a Sunday night by the time I got my act together. When I went to inquire I was too late for something else to look around properly (I'd heard it was an okay venue).

Invitations went out, I dreaded the calls saying that it was too late on a school night (what kind of mother books a party at that time? geeesh) but all the kids we really wanted to be there came.

The morning of the party we went to another party in Stittsville at a place called the Moo Zoo. It was a party for a 3 year old. The place was tiny. The play structure was no bigger than that at the Quick on Route D'Arlon in Luxembourg (think Belgian McDonalds). We'd only booked the play structure for Stu's party - egads, what if Midway was the same?

My son would be an outcast - victim of an uncool party booked by his socially challenged mother.

We went home from the morning party and tried to "add-on" to our party. They don't answer the phone at Midway, you have to leave a message. By 4:40 when we left I was in a state.

I need not have feared - we were able to add-on bumper cars when we arrived. We had a great party host. The "tunnels of fun" play structure went for miles. The bumper cars were a huge hit. The tokens for the arcade were a huge hit. THe food was inhaled. Marc and I were NOT STRESSED for the whole 2 hours.

And Stu is not a social outcast (until my next chance to mess up that is).

Tonight we have a concert at Julia's nursery school. They've been practicing for weeks now (she's in two classes, so two presentations to make). She's pretty pumped about it... I just hope she doesn't get stage fright when she sees the number of people in the audience. Tomorrow she has an open house at ballet - I dug out our video camera (which I realize we have not used since June 2004 - eeek!) and tested it out taping her talking to me. She loves the camera, our little prima donna....

On that note, it's been more than 5 minutes and I have rambled on for too long. We need to make & eat dinner and get dressed up and out of the house in an hour. Mission impossible?

P.S. I love you

A few weeks ago I was putting laundry away in Stu's room and put a few things away in his desk. He loves post-it notes (thanks to Gill and David). I wrote "Mummy (hearts) Stu" on the top one of his post it notes.

Stu and I have been having a bit of a rough go these last few weeks. Nothing I can bring myself to discuss at 10:09 pm when I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago. But things have been more difficult than either of us would like. He's going to be 6 in a couple of days and there are days when I feel like I am under house arrest with this child who second guesses my every request, and yet other days I remember the day he was born... you know how it is, these moments of mother love.

He is clingy and yet not that pleasant to me lately. A weird and trying combination.

This afternoon I went into my room and saw a yellow post-it not on my pillow. It said "Stu (hearts) Tracy".

I didn't cry - miraculously. But I am going to try and keep it forever.